I have to admit that I have been a bit obsessed lately with getting old. I am officially closer to forty than to thirty, which is damn frightening. Looking for the greys, counting the wrinkles and spending a fortune on that elusive miracle formula to eradicate these stubborn, uninvited buggers from around my eyes. Looking at my clothes and comparing them to what is in the shop windows (ouch!), weighing up the desire to have dinner at a good restaurant with friends or go clubbing (ouch!), and realising there is no question as to where I would rather spend my Friday night. The obvious conclusion I reached was that I am no longer 20. Or 25. Not even just hit 30. Or 35. OUCH! But, and here comes my epiphany... is that necessarily a BAD thing??
These ARE the best years of my life... in all the ways that count. The days of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, of not trusting my instincts, opinions or judgements, of insecurities and unease about my future, are behind me. Of course, on the down side, the carefree days, no responsibilities, party-all-night, guiltless hangovers, 'Varsity holidays and sporadically scheduled lectures, are unfortunately collateral damage when it comes to leaving things behind.
So what makes me think getting oldER is not as bad as I dramatically made out at the first sight of that first pathetic line? Life experience for a start. Looking back, I have come a long way from where I was as a person, to be where and who I am today. I am confident, independent, and a lot wiser than I was. I am more sure of myself, and less likely to crumble at the opinions others may have of me. In fact, I am more aware of who I am and who I see myself being in the far off future. When I look in the mirror now, I see someone who IS a role model to her kids, who can hold her head high because of decisions made by herself. And I like what I see.
When I think about getting oldER now, I think about my kids, and the wonderful life experiences I still have to share with them, the knowledge and advice I can pass down to be ignored as I did to my mom way back when. And of course, there's the fun side - disposable income!! And the means and ideas to use it - albeit responsibly (the nerd in me never gets fully suppressed).
I have come to realise (and embrace!!) that although the playground may have changed and become more sophisticated, the playing doesn't have to stop. In fact, the games just get better and better! In the words of Dr McSteamy - we don't age, we arrive!! I'm Just Saying....
