BOUNDARIES... In the continued saga to settle Sasha, my 12 year old border collie, into our new house, we had to address the boundary issue - both literally and figuratively. In a nut shell, Sasha, being quite set in her ways and extremely stubborn, did not want to be confined to the area (the back garden), which was already fenced in and more than suitable for a little dog. Instead, she wanted to be in the front, roaming free and doing exactly what her single-focused mind wanted to do. We realised very quickly it was not a battle of the wills we stood any chance of winning!
So off to the vet we went, where we dropped an earth shattering R3000 (a big ask after the never ending moving expenses that literally appear infinite!), and bought a system called "Pet Safe" (an American product guaranteed to put us in a win-win situation). How this works (and please - NO JUDGING!), is a literal interpretation of Pavlov's Theory. The no-go areas (in our case, the top of the driveway leading onto the road, and the open hedges), are cordoned off by an electrical cable, which is buried under ground, and is demarcated by little white flags. Sasha wears a new collar, which is connected to the system,and has a little probe touching her neck. Should she attempt to cross the forbid territory, the system emits a little shock (a small zap - I did try it on myself first!) After a training session, and two little self-inflicted zaps as she explored her new boundaries - we had success! Without the collar even on, she WILL NOT cross the magic line.Such a clever dog!
Without turning this into a lengthy commentary about the ingeniousness of my four-legged child, this process had me thinking about the practical use of Pavlov with people. Imagine the success rate in churning out well disciplined kids?! Fight with your sister? ZAP! Back chat your mom? ZAP! Lie about homework? ZAP! Open the fridge and stare blankly because you are bored? ZAP! Slam your bedroom door in a rage? ZAP! Before child line is called, I would never do this to my kids. But I do dream about a system of reinforcement that has an instant effect rather than the grounding, losing a marble out the Being Good Jar, banning of X-Box etc.. discipline methods we rely on at home!!
And what about the errant husband? Eyes straying in the wrong direction? ZAP! Looking at the watch, ignoring the cell phone and having the fifth absolutely last beer at the pub? ZAP! Reaching for the wallet to buy one more bank-breaking-will-die-if-I-don't-have-it piece of equipment for his mountain bike / golf bag / motor bike / or car? ZAP!
On a personal note, the positive effects this would have on ME would be insurmountable! Not being hungry but have to have the last piece of Aero Bubbly - ZAP! Needing to go for a run but making up excuses to avoid it - ZAP! Buying yet another vase / cushion / photo frame / decorative piece of useless something just because - ZAP! Facebooking / Twittering / Pinteresting/ blogging instead for plowing through the piles of CV's in my inbox - ZAP! Reaching for the Bar One / Cosmo / bag of Chuckles conveniently placed in the queueing aisle at Woolworths- ZAP! Buying one more gorgeous journal / notebook / diary because it is beautiful (I have a drawer FULL of unused ones already!) - ZAP! Or my most indulgent (yes, I am a nerd!), spending money at Waltons / CNA / any stationers to feed my stationary obsession - ZAP!!! I would be thinner, richer, and far more productive if Pet Safe was designed as a pretty bracelet for people, instead of a black dog collar!
Pushing, or ignoring boundaries (self - or sociably imposed) is something we are all more than familiar with. Until some Pavlovian follower invents a socially acceptable Zapper for People, I have to be content with spending a large amount of time thinking of ideas to either reinforce positively, or punitively, my kids, myself and in a small way (;)), my husband. And although the results may not be as instantaneous as the ZAP to the arm would be, I have seen success with banning the x-box, and rewarding with marbles that have a monetary value; the bathroom scale and the credit card statement; and the threat of being banished to the couch for the night! Pavlov in longhand - I'm Just Saying...
We have moved. Over. Done. Finished. Bar a few boxes lingering in my office, and a few dozen pictures, paintings, photo's, and mirrors waiting impatiently to be hung, we are in. Right off the bat let me say this - moving is NOT for the feint hearted! It has more than earned its place up there with death and divorce (either of which were tempting options themselves throughout this process!!). It has been a process fraught with emotions - ranging from excitement, to nervousness, nail-biting-anxiety, sadness, rage-inducing-impatience, sheer disbelief, bewilderment, more anxiety, absolute bliss, confusion, concern, excitedness (again!), and utter contentment. But we have survived (or at least, are surviving!), and I am absolutely in love with our new home.
Moving has given me plenty of opportunities to consider change and the effect it has had on us. My biggest concern was how my children would handle the change. After an initial bout of unsettledness, however, both have acclimatised and embraced the adventure of a new house, on a new estate, with more access to their friends, slightly more freedom, and new responsibilities. Warren and I have slotted in, loving being part of a new community of amazing families, close to quite a few of our very good friends, easier traveling distances, a bigger home, and in general, another tick on our To Do List of dreams. Sasha, my 13 year old border collie, however, is another matter altogether. As stubborn as she is loyal, she is refusing to go with the flow! So its a new fence, and retraining on the agenda. Here's hoping she is true to the adage about teaching old dogs...!
This old dog (ahem!!) has certainly learnt some new tricks lately. How to use a drill, electric screwdriver, hammer and my voice, very well! My pet hate is being patronised (a close second to being taken advantage of!). As was to be expected, there have been issues with the new house, issues that required dealing with know-it-all-electricians, patronising-blame-shifting-builders, clumsy-well-meaning-handymen, etc. Very quickly they all learnt not to take my short stature and blonde hair for granted!
And all through the upheaval of the past few weeks, life has continued. Hockey matches have been played, school projects and market days have been completed, Spring Flings have been attended, birthdays have come and gone, and babies have been born. What has remained steadfast through it all has been the love and support of friends and family. Friends have arrived with meals, carried boxes, moved furniture, entertained my kids, shared endless glasses of wine, offered advice, and generally been amazing! I am seriously blessed with my group of friends! And my mom - God Bless mothers! She packed, unpacked, moved, reorganized, fetched and carried, understood my tears of frustration, and supported. Thank you, mom!
And so life has resumed. A little less like the old normal, a new kind of normal in its place. I look forward to new challenges, new adventures. We have worked hard to be where we are, and are so grateful to be here. Its all about grabbing that bull by both horns, and leaping into the unknown with our eyes wide open! SO we have moved. We are here. Ready to start making new memories as precious as the old. Watch this space! I'm just saying...